Raising Confident Muslims by Nurturing the Love of Allah

The fajr alarm immediately roused the children and they slid off their beds and got ready to pray. As the sky lightened and the rising sun slowly but surely lit up everything with warmth and energy, the children got ready to face the new day with optimism and hope. They took out their Quran and set to recite the words of their Creator with careful tajweed. They didn’t fidget or yawn, their eyes and hearts transfixed on the timeless messages for them in the Holy Book. Soon it was time to get through the day with the expected activities and chores and they breezed through them with immaculate manners and companionship, just as they understood from the character of their Beloved Prophet Muhammad (saw).

A dream.

Despite our own boisterous childhood, the moment we become parents we set up an ideal model of God-conscious children in our heads and assume that they would naturally be inclined to live up to these spiritual heights. Children, however, are independent souls with their own unique whims and disposition thus when their growth challenges the paragon of spiritual excellence in our subconscious, we are quick to discipline by enforcing the fear of Allah’s displeasure and punishment.

“Don’t even bother to lie again,” she admonished, “Not only did you hide the chocolate that was not yours, you even denied it. Have you no fear, terrible child? Allah will punish the liars and the thieves.”

While Allah will, no doubt, hold all those thieving and lying accountable, when we choose to reprimand our children by reminding them of Allah, who Punishes, we miss the opportunity to teach them that Allah is All-Merciful, the Compassionate, the Protector, the Provider, our Guide.

That Allah loves them.

Lost in the culture of consumerism and selfishness, most of the times we view children as burdens, their insistence demands and needs as hindrances from what we want to do. Instead of noticing the learning opportunities that children highlight for us, we just hope they learn on their own, wishing they would transform into the images we have in our heads without us putting in the due efforts.

Parent are the first teachers of their children. The children learn from watching and listening to us. It is definitely a taxing job, requiring constant diligence and attention. Are you ready to learn how you can nurture your children to become self-driven and confident Muslims just by encouraging and teaching them how to love Allah?

Recognize the Wonder of His Creations

“Mom what is this thing standing on this flower.” The child’s insistent tugging broke her focus from her task. She sighed and peered at the lily her child was holding out to her. “You mean this,” she stroked the softly curved petal making the stamen look more prominent, “it is called the stamen, dear.” She said distractedly, “It makes pollen, please be careful with it. It causes allergies too.”
“What does pollen do? Why is it here on this flower? I didn’t see this stamen in the roses, mom. Why are they on lilies.”
She appreciated his curiosity but right now, in the middle of her work, it was only irritating her. He always expected her to launch into a detailed scientific report for every question. If she would brush it aside with a careless, oh Allah made it so, he would rebound with an even more baffling question wondering why Allah made it like that…
She paused. She turned to her child, taking in his wide rapidly blinking eyes and flushed cheeks and smiled. She pulled him to her lap and took the flower from him.
“Allah made so many different flowers but almost all of them have this, a stamen and this, a pistil. Roses have them too however they look different. When any insect or bird comes to sit on the flower, they take its sticky powder called pollen from the stamen to the pistil. It is only after this that this flower can become a fruit.”
“The insects, do they know how to take the pollen there?” He asked shocked.
“Of course, Allah has taught them. He created everything with a purpose and nature works just as He wants them to. Do you know about one-third of the food in the world is pollinated by bees. Can you imagine, the yummy fruits and berries that you eat were made with the help of this little thing, the stamen, standing here.”

Children are sensory learners, therefore the concept of Allah is challenging for them because they can’t see Him. Talking about His vast and incredible creation could be the first step in creating awareness of Allah in our children. Speak about Allah, the Fashioner, noticing the detailed intricacies in everything He purposely created. Talk about the beautiful world, the fascinating space and the perfectly complex working of this universe. Let your own awe and wonder show from your words and your eyes when you narrate the astounding facts and figures of the nature we know and then admit that what we have discovered is far less that Allah has created.

Know Allah’s Names and Attributes

How could we love someone without truly knowing them? Allah made sure we knew Him for He revealed to us His beautiful names and attributes.

And to Allah belong the best names, so invoke Him by them.. (7:180)

He is Allah, the Creator, the Inventor, the Fashioner; to Him belong the best names. (59:24)

Allah is not someone who only punishes. He is the Most Merciful, an attribute we repeat before doing any task. He is al-Wuddud-Loving, loves us even more than our mothers. He is the Protector, the Guide, all Seeing and all Knowing. He sees and knows even of the ant under the darkest rock in the darkest night and Knows of every leaf that falls. When you call out to Him, he is All-Hearing, no matter how small your voice, it will reach Him. When you are sick or upset, He is Healer and Giver of peace.

He opened the door to his parents’ room, hiccupping with tears. They woke, alarmed and he immediately raced to the comfort of their embrace. “What’s wrong?” His mother asked, gently stroking his hair.
“It was a terrible dream. I’m so afraid, I was so alone!” he sobbed.
His mother continued to stroke him until his tears and trembling had stopped, then she spoke, “did you read your duas?”
He shook his head.
“It’s alright. But now make sure to. Remember Allah is the Protector, He Sees and Hears everything. He is all-Aware. If He does not will, nobody can harm you.”
“But… that monster?”
“Is not bigger than Allah. He is Majestic, the Most High, the Greatest. After all, Allah created everything even that pesky monster that frightens you. So who would be stronger? The creation or the Creator?”
He giggled.

Remember His Favors

فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ

Then which of your Lord’s favors will you ˹humans and jinn˺ both deny? (55:13)

It is one of the most repeated verse from the Quran signifying its importance in our lives. Truly we can not deny any favours of Allah, we can not even begin to count the blessings we are aware of. We are always under a shade of mercy from Him, so many blessings that we don’t even know of. Ingratitude brings denial so when are conscious and grateful for all of Allah’s favours then it helps us be firm in our faith.

Young children are quick to love those who shower them with gifts. Similarly remembering the endless favours of Allah frequently will deepen their love for Him. They will learn not to take their health, wealth or guidance for granted thus becoming more humble and grounded, a rarity in our pretentious world. To firmly believe that we are always under Allah’s limitless blessings also boosts confidence, promotes contentment and helps them lead a life with a positive mindset, inshallah.

Safe Communication

It is our job, as parents to create a safe environment for communication. A confident unapologetic Muslim child is one who has a strong sense of belonging and trust in his upbringing. He is seen and heard and his many needs met. With babies, we learn to watch and understand their needs without them having to articulate them but we start to expect younger children to communicate effectively just because they learnt to speak.

Everyday we deal with the physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs of the child, never one more than the other. However in order to have a proper understanding of the children’s emotional and spiritual needs we need to be present, watching and listening because they try their best to communicate but it doesn’t mean that they are able to communicate eloquently so we need to fill the gaps with the same intuition we use for understanding babies.

Taleem and Tarbiyah

Our notion of education usually comes from how we were educated. We need to look back at our perceptions and start to debunk or de-school our minds on the concept of learning. For children 0-6 years of age, they are learning everywhere from everything they do and everything they see. It’s a very natural process.

And so when we go back to the times of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) and see his example as a teacher- a living example of the Quran, it is clear that learning is wholesome and before teaching it is essential to cultivate a bond of love, care and concern. The learners should be emotionally invested and enthusiastic about learning because it is relevant and interesting.

The parents that are trying to teach their children about Islam should acknowledge that before rote learning statistics, memorizing the Quran and knowing the different fiqh, it is vital that we impart that emotional connection to what they are learning. It is imperative that they work on their relationship with Allah and their children-tarbiyah and promote emotional connection before imparting knowledge-taleem. It is only after having an emotional bond with Allah that the children will be driven to apply the knowledge of Islam in their lives without threats and fear.

Hope and Fear Balance

We don’t need to completely dismiss the fear of Allah because in reality, there is a fine balance of hope and fear of Allah. Just like how in the Quran, in multiple places the mention of the promise of Paradise comes rights after the horror of Hell-fire and vice versa. The example of this balance is finely put with the analogy of a dove. Let one wing be hope and let the other be fear of Allah. A dove needs both wings for flight but it is the head that drives and leads the way. The head is the love of Allah. Let the love of Allah be the leading force for all our actions in this life.

Anas ibn Malik (ra) reported that the Prophet Muhammad (saw) said,
“There are three qualities whoever has them, will taste the sweetness of Imaan: To love Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) more than anyone else; to love a slave (of Allah) only for (the sake of) Allah; and to hate returning to infidelity after Allah has saved him from it as he would hate to be thrown into the fire of Hell,” (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Al-Muslim)

“Its time to get up and pray now.” She informed her son, engrossed in making a complex Lego model. He made a face and the sight of it irked her. She wanted to lash out and reprimand him for making salah feel like a burden. It was a unique time to set aside all the worldly distractions and talk to the One who Sees and Listens, the Most Merciful and Kind. Our Protector, Guide and Provider.
She sighed, “Do you think Allah gave us Salah to disturb us?” She asked.
He looked up, alarmed. “I’m sure not…” he began uncertainly.
“I know, of course not. Why would Allah want to disturb us from our work? He loves us so much that even though He has numerous angels worshipping and praising Him day and night, He still wants people like us to come and talk to Him.” She smiled at his open mouth and turned away.
Minutes later, she passed by a nearly flooded washroom. She stopped, took a deep breath and peered into her son’s room to see the abandoned Lego and a generously wet child of seven years sitting in front of Allah, glorifying Him.

But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah.” (Qur’an, 2:165

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For more information on raising confident Muslims by nurturing the love of Allah, tune in to this week’s amazing podcast, Monday Musings Episode 8 with guest speaker, Zahirah Lynn Eppard from Sound Vision.