Mothering Tips on How to Improve Self-Control When Disciplining

We all have our moments. You finally get a chance to go to the bathroom and no sooner do you close the door than you hear a little fist pounding on the bathroom door, “I have to use it!”
You remind your “strong-willed” 12-year-old to put away his basket of clothes. “I’m not doing it,” he responds.

When our children do things or respond to us in ways that make us want to lash out at them, that’s the time for us to withhold our actions rather than act upon our emotions. Hitting our children during fits of anger is not allowed in our religion, according to religious scholars. In a hadith recorded by Bukhari, the Prophet (saw) said, “No one should judge between others when he is in a state of anger”

One way to help us control our anger and try to become more patient is by reflecting on passages from Quran and Hadith that encourage us to be patient and that inform us of the rewards of those who are patient. Here are six reminders from the Quran and Hadith on the benefits of being patient.

You who believe! Endure and be more patient . . .” (3:200)

And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirun (the patient)”. (2:155)

“And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.” (42:43)

Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly, Allah is with As-Sabirun (the patient).” 2:153)

“And surely, We shall try you till We test those who strive hard (for the Cause of Allah) and As-Sabirun (the patient)” (47:31)

Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri (ra) reported that: Certain people of the Ansar asked the Messenger of Allah (saw) and he gave to them; then they again asked him and he gave to them until all what he possessed was exhausted. Then the Prophet (saw) said, “Whatever wealth I have, I will not withhold from you. Whosoever would be chaste and modest, Allah will keep him chaste and modest and whosoever would seek self-sufficiency, Allah will make him self-sufficient; and whosoever would be patient, Allah will give him patience, and no one is granted a gift better and more comprehensive than patience”. (Bukhari and Muslim).

Also, remember—as with many skills we learn in life, developing patience takes time. When you make a mistake when disciplining, don’t be too hard on yourself. Ask Allah to forgive you, and then make up for the mistake in some kind of way. Explain to your child that you’re sorry for overreacting. Let him know that you are working on your patience. And remember this statement reported from the Prophet (saw):

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The merciful will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One in the heavens will have mercy upon you.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1924

This guest blog post is written by Grandma Jeddah, who is a mother of 11 children and a teacher at an Islamic school for over 35 years, and creator of Muslim School Books.

For more help on how to become a more disciplined and patient mother when disciplining, read Grandma Jeddah’s ebook: Reaching Patients: A Muslim Mothers Guide to Self-Control When Disciplining, found at—www.MuslimSchoolBooks.com