What does being patient look like to a mother?
Are you a patient person? – Yes, I think most of the time I am. Are you a patient mother? – Heck no, I have lived through many regretful moments with my children where I wish I had behaved more patiently.
What’s patience? One can define it in so many different ways: perseverance on the path of truth, enduring hardships and forbearance. It’s a virtue that is highly valued in Islam and the one we so desperately need to have as a mother. Many verses in the Qur’an were revealed about the importance of patience “O you who believe, seek help through patience and prayer. Verily, Allah is with the patient.” (Surat al-Baqarah 2:153)
Many hadiths by the prophet s.a.w explained the significance of this character trait “Whoever intends to be patient, then Allah will make him patient. There is no gift that is better and more comprehensive than patience.” (Bukhari, Sahih)
Our scholars have written a countless number of books about patience. And yet do we know what does patience look like for a mother?
What does ‘being patient’ mean when your teenager constantly talks back to you? When your child wants your attention immediately after you excuse yourself to the bathroom? When your toddler wants her shoes to be put on ONLY by you when leaving the house? When siblings pick a fight or an argument and all you want is a little bit of peace and quiet? When your ‘12 and yet going on 20 year-old’ starts grunting unintelligible explanation while looking on the floor while you are constantly repeating yourself “Look up and answer me properly, now!”
Be Patient.
Being patient isn’t passively waiting around until ‘terrible twos’, ‘terrifying teenager’ or some other period of difficulty you are experiencing pass away. It’s not being lazy.
Being patient isn’t giving into temptation and acting on your impulse of shouting and screaming only to say sorry later on. The prophet s.a.w said, “Verily, patience is at the first strike.” (Bukhari, Sahih)
Being patience isn’t tolerating unacceptable behaviour either. You still have to look for ways to guide and nurture your child and be active at it.
Being patient is restraining yourself from REACTING in a moment of anger and frustration.
Being patient is responding calmly to problems while still guiding your child and looking for solutions.
Being patient is choosing to connect before correcting and disciplining without disrespecting.
Let’s look at one incident where the prophet Muhammad s.a.w demonstrated patience while correcting a mistake. Anas Ibn Malik narrated: While we were in the masjid with the Messenger of Allah, a Bedouin came. He then urinated in the masjid. The companions quickly jumped up and said “Mah Mah (an expression used to severely scold someone, to indicate the graveness of the matter)”
The Messenger of Allah said, “Don’t stop him, let him finish.” They left him alone until he finished urinating. The Messenger of Allah called him over and said to him “Any kind of urine or filth isn’t suitable for the masjid for masjids are for the remembrance of Allah, prayer, recitation of the Qur’an (a message similar to this in meaning).” He then ordered one of the companions to bring a bucket of water and pour it over the affected area.
Imagine if you were caught up in a similar situation involving one of your children? Mother’s patience is the ability to use mistakes as an opportunity to empower children, not to break them. Easier said than done, I know. But there is no other way around here, we can either be patient and make them or be impatient and break them.
By : Iroda Ahmed
