Day 22 – Four Characteristics Of A Patient Mother

Firstly, controlling the tongue- a patient mother doesn’t frequently lose her temper when frustrated or hurt (occasionally yes!). She restrains her tongue and avoids insulting. When an unpleasant situation arises, sadly we often jump on the conclusion with a bunch of assumptions in our head. We lose control of the tongue and blurt out mean words harming the child’s self-esteem. “You are such a selfish brat” or “Don’t be such a liar” or “You’re so lazy!” Often we don’t mean any of what we say in a moment of anger but there is no way you can take back what’s been said. Remember, anything that will increase a child’s sense of self-hatred will bring more of that same behaviour.

Speak calmly, if you can’t do that remain silent until you become calm. The tongue is like a sharp weapon that can break the strongest of minds, never mind that of a young child who is already full of self-doubt. Al-Harith ibn Hisham reported: He said, “Tell me of a matter I can hold firmly.” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Control this,” and he pointed to his tongue. (Albani, Sahih)

Secondly, showing restraint while having an upper hand. True patience is to be calm and composed during the first strike of ‘calamity’ a.k.a stressful or challenging behaviour.

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. The Prophet said: “Be mindful of Allah and be patient.” She said, “Go away from me, for you have not been afflicted by a calamity like mine!” And she did not recognize him. Then, she was told that it was the Prophet, so she went to the house of the Prophet. She said to him, “I did not recognize you.” The Prophet said: Verily, patience is at the first strike.

Thirdly, addressing the mistakes without offending a child’s personality. When pointing out the mistakes, we should be mindful of children’s dignity. The prophet s.a.w never ignored anyone’s faults, he would always point out, correct and demonstrate the right way of doing things. However, he was sensitive about protecting one’s honour. He corrected the faults, wrongdoings, shortcomings without condemning the person.

On one occasion, people cursed a man who failed to overcome his alcohol addiction. The Prophet said, “Do not curse him…what I know of him is that he loves Allah and His messenger.” (Al-Bukhari). Once a man entered the mosque and since he was about to miss the first rakah, he bent down in ruku while he was still walking and had not yet reached the line. When the man told the Prophet what he had done, the Prophet said, “May Allah increase your enthusiasm–but don’t do it again.” (Al-Bukhari) Once he heard about a young man who was neglecting his night prayers. He said, “What an excellent man Abdullah is! If only he would pray at night…”Abdullah never neglected the night prayer after that (Muslim)

Fourthly, the patient mother is always looking for a solution, rather than stewing in blame. She makes the punishment fit the need of a child. When a man urinated in his masjid, the prophet s.a.w ordered a bucket of water to be poured onto the affected area. He always looked for solutions that fit people’s unique circumstances and situations. He always wanted to make things easy for everyone, even when deciding what consequences the wrong-doers will have to pay.

Once a man came to the prophet to confess he slept with his wife while fasting in Ramadan. The prophet asked if he was able to free a slave. The man said no. The prophet asked if he could fast for two consecutive months. The man said no. The prophet asked if he could feed sixty people. The man said no. The prophet remained quiet and sent the man away. Later that day he was gifted with a basket of dates. The prophet s.a.w called for the man and said: “Take this and give it away in charity”. To this, the man replied, “There is no family in all of Madinah that is poorer than mine.” The prophet s.a.w smiled and said: “Feed your family with these dates.”

Be patient.

“Good character is to not get angry or enraged. Good character is to patiently endure what comes from people.”

Imam Ahmad

Can we endure what comes from our children?

By : Iroda Ahmed

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