More About Emotional Intelligence in Parenting

Reading a book is one of the best past time activities for most people. When we read stories, we interpret the meaning. We narrate these stories to our children. We try to teach children to read and understand words as soon as they turn four or five. Reading is such a valuable skill that all other learning depends on the ability to be able to read and interpret the meaning of words. Likewise, emotional intelligence is the ability to read and interpret feelings and emotions. It’s the fundamental of all other life skills because it helps a child to form much deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Human beings experience a wide range of feelings. These emotions may, in turn, affect our thoughts, behaviour and actions. Children need to develop the skill of reading and interpreting emotions and communicate these feelings with words. Experts say this skill can be acquired by the age of 5. Most children should be able to communicate their emotions before attending full-time school because this skill will greatly affect their academic capacity.

For example, I notice my son is in a bad mood when returned from school. I assume that something happened at school. I will try to be kind and take extra precautions not to make him more agitated. If he picks a fight with his sister, I will send my daughter away with a sweet. I sit him down to talk and find out that one of the boys in class “borrowed” his pocket money forcefully. “He just took it off my hand and ran away. He said he would return it tomorrow. I didn’t want to lend though. I feel like kicking and punching him.” I describe his feelings to him “You’re feeling angry and upset because what happened to you isn’t right. You may think about kicking and punching him. It’s OK. If anything like that happened to me, I would be very angry too. Perhaps he forgot his lunch box and really needed the money”. My son declares “Yes, he forgot his lunch box. But he may never return my money.” I stroked his hair “Wait and see. If he doesn’t, you will ask. If he refuses, I will give it to you.”

Sometimes children cannot focus because they’re desperately trying to repress their feelings. They don’t know what they are feeling or why. A child may be known as an ‘angry boy’ at school. Perhaps his parents constantly argue or going through a divorce and he may have feelings of hatred towards one or both parents. He may then feel guilty for hating his parents and tries to disguise it. He will start acting out. He should be helped that feelings and actions are different. A feeling that is expressed the right way never hurts anyone. If he is helped to say to his parents “I hate you for getting divorced” or to his mother “I’m angry with you for shouting at me” he will have much more energy to concentrate during his lessons.

We should help our children to say “I hate it when you do this”, “I get angry when you say that” or “This really upsets me” more often.

Iroda Ahmed

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