Getting in touch with the inner child
Day seven- Getting in touch with the inner child within yourself
Most of our frustration reflect our attitudes towards ourselves rather than our children. I get angry when I see my child doing certain things I used to do as a child to get love and attention. I read somewhere in a child-psychology book that our children have a weird way of reminding us of our own vulnerabilities. And when this happens, it drives you crazy. That’s because everything we experienced as a child is still inside us, buried deep in our subconscious mind. And perhaps somewhere deep inside you there may be a little child still hurting. It’s important to get in touch with the inner child within yourself and soothe her.
I have spent most of my childhood away from home. I didn’t have that many pictures of me when I was a child, maybe the odd one or two from nursery and school. One day my brother whatsapped a picture of me. I was staring at the picture- I must have been nine or ten. Suddenly I was no longer the woman I was today. I was a nine-year-old girl who rocked long division, every Maths problem and every grammar test but inside struggled with the thought “My mother doesn’t love me”.
I would stay up to finish all my homework and double-check to make sure I got almost everything correct. I worked extra hard because I saw myself as fat and clumsy and not worthy of attention unless I achieved. Everyone thought I was very confident but I was a shy girl afraid nobody would like me if I didn’t study well. Actually, I went to one of the best schools in town and had a perfectly functioning family. There was nothing wrong with me except I was a child desperately longing to be loved for Being, not for Doing.
Staring at the picture, suddenly I started crying. I wanted to embrace that little Iroda. I wanted to hug her and say “Here I am! Look, it all turned out fine in the end.” I wish I could go back and embrace her. What would I say to her? I would say “Iroda, you are so lovable. The same God who has created the universe, the stars and the galaxies looked at the world and decided to create You. The other girls who are so sure of themselves and so popular- they too have their own insecurities. Iroda, you are enough. You matter. You are so lovable!”
This whole incident took around five minutes. I forced myself to get out of the couch and noticed that I felt so relieved. I gathered my thoughts to switch from being a ten-year-old girl to a woman of six children again. I can’t go back- I thought. But I can do something better for my children.
Paying a visit to a little girl hurting inside you will help you to remember what it feels like to be a child sometimes. Visit her, meet her, confront her, nurture her and soothe her. It will help you to remember that children often need to hear they are lovable and it’s all going to come out well in the end, inshaAllah.
