The Perilous side of raising teens in the current climate of Social Media addiction
Technology has driven us far and wide, it has let businesses thrive, taken communications to the next level, has levelled the playing field for small and medium enterprises, in a nutshell it has given us a lot to be thankful for. However, at the same time we cannot overlook or ignore the perils it brings along…. one most challenging and concerning being the current overdose of social media in the lives of children, especially adolescents. A lot of research and studies conducted on the subject highlight the alarming effects the social media is having on our youth.
As a parent we all know that it’s simply not possible to completely isolate and cocoon our kids from social media in this digital age, already a majority of school work, assignments/projects, have shifted to the digital mode and hence the kids need the devices at their own disposal , thereby making the social media interaction inevitable. We cannot and should not stop kids from having and using their electronic devices , because while it may have dangerous repercussions (if not properly controlled), we cannot discredit all the benefits it can bring for young adults trying to venture out into the world , helping them build connections for their work. When did we in our times, had the platforms, where school children had the opportunity to do freelance work/projects, learn skills online and start their own ventures ???? So what we as parents can do is enforce strict guidelines, parental controls and rules to avert the harmful effects it can have on them. Latest research conducted by Child Mind Institute, UK , shows that 45% of teenagers are suffering from anxiety and low self esteem and the primary reason behind this is social media and text messaging.
One of the hallmark of adolescence is being sensitive and responsive to influence by peers and friends, all thanks to the brain chemical Dopamine, as the kids are making this transition from childhood to adulthood their brain is more sensitive to the effects of dopamine , yes its the same ‘feel good’ chemical released by an adult body post a rigorous exercise, that gives adolescents the push to try new things, experiment , have that thrill and evolve to respond to rewards and appreciations, so teens would leave behind the protection provided by their parents and start exploring their environment (a necessary step towards the independence they will need as an adult). In boys this neurotransmitter coupled with testosterone hormone, make them look for this thrill in danger and hence they get attracted and addicted to gaming stuff, girls on the other hand with their oxytocin hormone seek more of belonging and acceptance, this draws them closer to social media, which they take as a yardstick to measure their acceptance and credibility, thereby also having the adverse effect on not being socially liked and regarding themselves as not good enough. Apart from all this another major challenge is keeping kids safe from inappropriate content, studies show that 70% of students stumble across porn or some otherwise inappropriate content while doing their homework, not to forget the online predators, targeting young girls and boys.
Also this generation of kids are lacking the necessary interpersonal skills required to function in a social world, despite being always socially active over their phones, they are devoid of real world connections. Simon Senik, British-American author and inspirational speaker, talks about the first generation of children (having their own devices since adolescence )entering the workforce, they have their phones up, placed right next to their keyboards, always available to the world, but lacking the concentration and focus in their work.
The good thing is despite all that being said, we have powerful and workable solutions to help our kids not fall prey to this trap. The first being connection, it is very critical to have a strong and secure connection with our children at every age. I am a strong proponent of positive parenting and the first and most basic principle of it is-‘connection before correction’ , you might be successful in making your kids do what you want through fear, but it’ll never work for long. Children should be disciplined through love and not fear, connect with them at a level that comes what may, they’ll always talk to you about it. It might be dramatic to say that love can move mountains , but metaphorically I have seen that happen. So if you build that strong connection right from the beginning (or at whatever point you are at now) , you’ll see how they’ll refrain from doing anything which you would disapprove of , with your unconditional love they will not seek approval and acceptance from others, also seek to build a strong trust bond, show them you trust them, always policing a child scars their self esteem give them space but set acceptable boundaries.
Another important step is setting strong moral and ethical grounds and imparting knowledge about the same,teach them lessons of modesty and ethics from Quran and hadith. They should have that prick on doing something immoral or wrong. And for your own sanity know that they’ll make mistakes, don’t judge your parenting based on their mistakes , even the prophets were tested with wealth and children , keep your calm and try your best to be a friend , mentor and guide them. Children should know that even if they make a mistake they’ll always have your back .
For more information on ‘Raising teens in this climate of social media and Netflix: Guide them to strike a reasonable balance between deen and dunya’ , tune in to this week’s informative podcast Monday Musings- Season 2 episode 2, where Iroda Ahmed, Iram Bint Safiya and Kathryn Jones discuss the topic and bring some powerful solutions to the table.
By Lubna
