This is how anger travels

Anger, the so-called negative emotion, is actually healthy up to a certain level because it helps us to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. Without boundaries, you can easily become insane. The reason why you feel lost sometimes is the lack of having boundaries or rules of life and relationships. You lack this skill because you’re not tuning into your emotions, including sadness and anger.

Healthy anger says “Hey, get out of my space”, “Hey, you’re violating my basic rights”, “No, I don’t have to do this”. But because of the tales we store in our subconscious mind based on our childhood experiences, we tend to get angry over little things or wrong things. Moreover, we don’t know the healthy outlet to release the anger. We react, we scream, we yell, and simply transfer our anger onto another being – rather than using it to make some decisions and take action.

Have you ever noticed when you’re angry at your eldest and yell out some mean words, she then goes on being mean to her younger siblings and hurts their feelings? Well, she’s simply repeating the cycle that started with you in the first place. Emotions are a type of energy. They don’t disappear – they only transfer. And emotions are there to guide us, teach us some wisdom.

We all have to learn this process

Firstly, tune in to our emotions and start noticing what makes us sad and what makes us angry, and get curious compassionately

Secondly, accept the sadness, accept the anger just like how you accept joy and happiness. Allow yourself time and space to process and think – what’s the message there? What can I do differently? What decisions shall I make? What actions shall I take?

Thirdly, be angry but don’t become your anger. Be sad but don’t become your sadness. Everything is temporary and everything shall pass. Everything you experience is measured by Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ and if so there must be khayr in it for you. Have faith, everything will work out in the end insha’Allah

Fourthly, study the seerah to reach that level of self-awareness. The Prophet ﷺ went through so much hardship, test, and tribulations in life despite being the prophet of God. Heﷺ was always calm and responsive, not because he was totally isolated and shut down. Neither because he had everything he wished for- the best of wealth, relationships or any other material means and resources. He was calm and responsive because he was totally aware of himself. Heﷺ knew himself, knew who he was. Most of us spend our entire lives studying everything else and everyone else and we forget the most important study of our lives – you have to study yourself and know yourself.