Embracing your authentic self
The journey towards the SELF is the most beautiful journeys of all. Whenever I ask people to tell me a little about themselves, most of the time their initial reaction is like “Erm…” or “Huh…”. I get it- it kind of feels awkward to talk about ourselves. Have you ever questioned ‘why’ though? Why is it so difficult to talk about yourself? I have come to believe that amid our chaotic and busy lives, we hardly ever take time out to think about our own SELF, to get to know our own SELF, to discover our own SELF.
Think about it, most people just go about their daily lives wandering, not knowing what exactly they want or what’s it that they don’t want but merely reacting to situations that they are put in. Whereas all our lives should be purpose-driven. We should try and be at CAUSE of events and not EFFECT. And in order to do that, we will have to discover who we are and know what exactly we want in life.
You, me – we all have the potential to do great things. And it’s up to you whether you use that internal power or not to use it. The beauty of Allah’s creation of humans is CHOICE – that at any moment in life we will have a CHOICE. We will always have a choice. So, choose well InshaAllah. But first, decide well.
Decide who you are.
Decide what defines you.
Decide what you want.
Start the journey of the SELF because you are the best discovery for yourself.
What is more, along this journey of discovery, we have a hard time to accept our own SELF – our weaknesses, our shortcomings, faults, and insecurities.
We often hear couples or friends saying to each other “Why can’t you just accept me for who I am” and yet the reality for many is we have a hard time accepting ourselves for who we are.
We know that there’s no such a person as perfect and yet we have our own little ‘perfectionist’ demon inside which makes to accept our faults harder, to own our weaknesses impossible.
My sister, the lesson I learned the hard way is this- accepting your raw, vulnerable and authentic SELF is the single best thing you can do to yourself. Learn to own your weaknesses. It’s OK to make mistakes, it’s OK to feel overwhelmed, it’s OK to be depressed, it’s OK to be stressed about kids because the truth is you can’t give your 100% all the time. Because you don’t feel 100% all the time. Because sometimes surviving is all we can do. And because sometimes living is like a battle. It’s ALL fine and inshaAllah it WILL all pass. What’s not OK is to feel guilty for the way you are and accumulate shame and guilt over the years because you aren’t as good as someone else.
My sister, don’t compare yourself to ANYONE out there. They haven’t walked your path; they haven’t lived your past. You don’t know their struggles just like how they don’t know your struggles. The studies have shown that guilt-tripping will never get you what you really want in life. Guilt-tripping doesn’t get you to where you want to be. Because when you feel guilty, you constantly do negative self-talking like:
“Why can’t I just be like that? What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just do it? I’m just so lazy”
“I feel down all the time. I’m such an ungrateful soul”
“I always procrastinate. I hate myself for doing this but that’s it- that’s me. Such a loser I am”
“Why am I always yelling? I am a terrible mother because I can never be calm”
We, as women, are especially good at accumulating guilt. There’s so much competition out there and we are very good at being ashamed of who we are. However, do you think all these guilty thoughts will help you to move forward? To perform better the next day? Absolutely not. In fact, they do quite the opposite. The guilt-tripping leads to negative self-talk and negative self-talk keeps you stuck where you are.
On the other hand, owning your weaknesses and accepting yourself for who you are will help you to shift your focus from YOUR NEGATIVE self. So, instead of “I feel down all the time. I’m very ungrateful” in your head it’s OK to say out loud “I am depressed, I need to seek help”. It’s OK to say “I often shout because I’m overwhelmed with work. I want to shout less- what can I do?”
My sister, it’s OK to be tired, to be stressed, to be shouting, to feel lazy, to grieve more than you’re supposed to, to feel sad and it’s OK to do nothing sometimes. Remember, hating yourself for the way you are doesn’t yield you any good. What you can do is embrace your vulnerabilities, insecurities and your authentic and raw SELF. Only when you do this, you feel lighter. You feel the burden and the pretense of keeping up with someone else has been taken off your shoulders. When you open up and start seeking help then the help comes your way inshaAllah.
