Too many challenges : Easy to quit ?? how work your way by embracing grit
Every believer knows, this life is a test, we haven’t been created for without any reason, we are here to live, love , lose and experience , and how we deal with all this is the basis of what we attain in our eternal abode.
Do people think that they will be left only on their saying “We believe,” and will not be put to any test ? Surah Ankabut , ayah no 2
And so this life is more about learning to SHOW UP, show up to your trails , show up to the hurdles, show up to the obstacles and show up to the tribulations.
This happens to be the topic of our blog today. I have been a fan girl and so when I got to know that this week’s podcast is with none other than my favorite Naima Roberts, I was so excited and nervous to write and write in a way so as to do justice to her thoughts. Her latest book SHOWUP is an inspiring non fiction book for Muslim adults and young adults but particularly keeping in mind women struggling with difficult times in their lives and helping them overcome Self doubt, self pity and self victimization , and at the same time equipping them with strategies and solutions to subvert the obstacles inside and outside of their head.
What is Showing up???
We all have heard the famous quote
Eighty percent of success is showing up – Woody Allen’s
The thinnest line between every successful enterprise, pursuit ,relationship or endeavor, as against an unsuccessful one is ‘showing up ‘ . YES stop thinking about all the fancy words for now ‘resilience’, ‘growth mindset’, ‘positive psychology’ nothing … to win any battle, big or small you just have to be present. Resilience as we know is the ability to bounce back when life’s unexpected, yet inevitable problems and struggles arise. But first step in building resilience is also to ‘Show up’ .
Sister Naima’s story is truly inspirational how losing her husband and coming in a state of vulnerability served as an epiphany for rediscovering herself . How she overcome all the obstacles and challenges and took charge of her life and became her own hero ❤️
Islam too emphasizes the importance of Showing up , while we may have not taken these Ayas of the Quran in a reflective sense, but a little insight and attention shows what it means in this context.
“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Surah Baqarah ayah 286).
This perhaps is such a motivating ayah to affirm you that whatever is in front of you however bad or ugly , it is something Allah SWT has put in your path only because he knows you are capable of handling it , Isn’t this in itself big enough of a reason to Show up even on the worst and most challenging times ???
Very often we see showing up only as something we are supposed to do in the face of adversity , while it’s not at all true, showing up is an everyday habit so unless you get into the practice , it’s hard to show up when it’s most needed in times of difficulty and distress, just like a marathon runner prepares himself day by day , month after month in order to achieve the strength and endurance required for the big day .
So , Where to show up in your everyday life ??
1. For yourself :
As I was writing this blog , I realized after I became a mom , I had somehow stopped showing up for myself .. I was now showing up as a wife, as a mother , but definitely not for myself as an individual and this was nothing short of enlightenment, when Allah created me he created me as an individual, an independent being , all the associations came much later in my life and so , it became my priority to show up for MYSELF. Do simple things like set goals and show up for their accomplishment :
- Get up an hour earlier than everyone else and go for a walk , or take some time out for meditation
- Reflect on the deeper meanings of Quran, when you recite them ( set 15 minutes aside in your day to practice that as a habit)
- Pursue a hobby
You’ll see that though you began with so much enthusiasm but after 2 weeks or 3 , we start losing the grip , we want to get into that “it’s not possible today “ mode and that’s when you’ve to get yourself going , believe me do that and see how it transforms you as a person , it brings an internal strength, something you need to build on everyday and then only use it on those big crisis events/ situations in your life to use.
2. In your relationships:
In our relationships it’s very important to set aside single one on one time with our partners and our kids. I know once we become mothers we get this inevitable notion in our head that all our efforts and time is for our kids and hence we end up neglecting our partners. And so that’s the area we need to work out most , set aside personal/private time with your spouse maybe just 10 minutes , uninterrupted, kids should know this is the parents time , again there’ll be days , with kids homework , exams or any other unexpected errands falling in, but know that it can be worked out , you can Show up , you can manage 10 minutes it’s no big deal and same with the kids, let them have their one on one time with you , where you talk to them not about studies or books or chores , just themselves their feelings their emotions etc. you’ll see the transformational power it has.
3. In pursuing your dreams :
You were that young , bright energetic and witty girl everyone knew at school , you had all those big dreams for yourself and now you are home , all worked up with chores, enervated with kids education , curriculums , extracurriculars and what not , and you’ve already put aside all those dreams, interests and aspirations in the bin . No you don’t have to , I know for a lot of us settled abroad, especially in the west( with no domestic help) in a nuclear family this dream is far from reality , but there’s always a way to pursue what you want to and so Show up here too , day by day. Few months back I took my baby steps started freelance writing, blogging , certified myself as a life coach, and now I am also coming out with a mindfulness journal for Raising young scholars, and writing a children’s book, 6 months back if someone would’ve asked me I would’ve thought I can’t do even one of them, forget about all , and all this has instilled so much confidence in me , I want to do so much more and so do you all, I know . So start to show up now.
Barriers to Show up:
1.Pessimism and lack of confidence:
what to do now I am already reaching my 40’s , my time is over , my career is over I am done ??? If these thoughts have ever crossed your mind , you are falling for the victim trap , unshackle yourself , and think again , do you know at what age prophet Muhammad SAW was enjoined with the humongous task of prophethood , Yes it was 40 , I know this is an incomparable analogy ,and that’s the reason of mentioning it , so certainly none of us is expected to do something as herculean in our pursuits and hence what we want , wish or aim to do is much more easier, swift and accomplishable . Right ?
2.Other people’s affirmation and approval of ourselves :
We live in a world where we are conditioned right from the very beginning to seek approval of others for assessing our own worth . If you do it too ?? Shun it right now , right here , right in this moment . Learn to show up for yourself , do things that interest you , go that extra mile to discover yourself . Stop worrying about what other people will think or say , your failures are your lessons and your success is your transition to the next stage you are meant to be . So stop worrying about others and Show up.
3.Looking for solutions to our problems outside :
Very often than not we think that the solutions to our problems lie in someone else’s hand , so until help comes from outside we won’t be able to overcome the challenges This itself is nothing short of disbelief , as much as Allah SWT want you to believe in him , he wants you to believe in yourself too….if you have faith in the creator, trust his creation too, and that is YOU, thinking that the almighty has put you in a problem you aren’t capable of handling is a shortness in faith, there is no such thing you can’t fix by the grace of Allah SWT. Never undermine the power of a sincere dua and an equally sincere effort to match and see how everything seems so much in control , and how you take the charge of your life , well of course we all need help and assistance along the way and there’s no shame asking for one , but simply sitting and waiting for someone else to come and show up for your problems is naïve .
Solution :
With all that being said , in order to show up make the right intention , pleasing Allah SWT being the primary ,ask him to help you accomplish whatever you have set out for , don’t ask him to make it all easy for you but rather ask him to give you the courage to show up even in the most turbulent times. Practice mindfulness because it takes us out of the unsavory past experiences and unsolicited future anxieties, and let’s us live in the present , in an absolutely non judgmental way . It infuses in us the courage and strength to focus on what is right now good, bad or evil us and SHOW UP. My current read – “The Power Of Now” by Ekhart Toale ,emphasizes the importance of living in the present, without any worries about the future or regrets about the past. Would highly recommend it for anyone looking to practice and reap the benefit of mindfulness in their lives.I hope this blog helps you overcome whatever inhibitions have been holding you back from Showing up
For an insightful and motivating discussion, listen to this weeks podcast with sister Iroda, sister Iram bint Safia and sister Naima Roberts at:
