Lessons learned on Tawakkul

Everything had been booked and confirmed. Tickets had been bought and printed. A quarantine package for a family of seven along with two PCR tests per person had been booked. Suitcases had been packed. Now I can enjoy the remaining few days of our stay. I had ticked all the boxes on my to-do list – how nice!

And then I wake up to the news, Saudi banned entry from UAE. How? Why? Does that mean we’re staying here longer? But I had no plans of staying here any longer. We had already been to places we had planned. We had already seen the people we wanted and I had nothing remaining on my Uzbekistan to-do list. And most importantly we had used up all our money – what will happen now?

I sent 20 emails a day to airlines asking for an urgent refund. I spent days and hours on the phone trying to get some information. I frantically search for alternative flights. But what about the vaccine – ah, I could have got at least one dose of the vaccine before we left so I didn’t have to book another quarantine package with six kids.

I’m angry but there’s no point getting angry, it’s all Qadar. It’s beyond me – I can’t change anything just by getting worried or being miserable. And then I’m angry at myself for getting angry. That’s double angry – if you didn’t know before. Sometimes you get double angry. For example, you are angry at your child and then you are angry at yourself for getting angry at your child- and that’s the worst kind of anger that eats you up.

My angry mind was searching for reasons for what happened.-Why the authorities only gave 24hrs notice – at least 2 or 3 days notice and we could easily get home

-If only they passed this rule a week later

-If only we had left a few days earlier

-If only I had been vaccinated, even if it’s just one dose -If only….

There were so many “If only”s, “I should have”s, “I could have”s to think of that I was getting mentally really tired. It was the uncertainty that really freaked me out – what will happen now? For the first time in a long time, I had absolutely no plans – I didn’t have the slightest idea about what we could do next. It took me about a week to admit to myself that I could only lean back and trust in Allah’s plans. And that wasn’t a very easy thing to do.

I certainly lacked tawakkul. How easy for us to say “I put my trust in Allah” and how difficult it is to deal with reality when you are hit with uncertainty, a calamity or a test. If we have tawakkul – Why do we worry so much about things that we absolutely cannot do anything about? Sometimes you want to fix something that’s totally out of your control. And then all you do is think and worry about it – which will not bring about any changes. Why is it so hard to lean back and trust in Allah’s plan?

You see, we use language in speech and thought. And the language we use in our thoughts affects our behaviour. In other words, If we change the language we use in our thoughts, we can internalize concepts like tawakkul more easily. Often times our mind is wandering asking all the wrong questions like “Why did this happen” or “Why to me” or “Why did I not leave earlier” and we get all the wrong responses.

If you are going through hard times, start asking yourself these questions.

– Who is in control of my life?

– Allah is, He is the best disposer of our affairs

– Who knows best what’s good for me?

– Allah knows best what’s good for me. What I’m going through now is all part of a greater plan.

You don’t always have the means to make a choice. You can’t always fix it. You can’t always change something that you really want to. You don’t know where the road leads, don’t know what tomorrow holds. All you can do is trust Allah, surely there must be some khayr in this for you inshaAllah.

No matter where you are and what happens, have yaqeen that it can only happen by the will of Allah. And if so, there must some good in it for you. The phase you are going through is only a part of the bigger plan. And Allah’s plan is always the best plan. Just lean back and trust Him to get you where you want. You will either get there worrying or you will get there with tawakkul.